Querying Dollhouse Pixies

Okay, the term "query hell" is accurate. I've gone through no less than twenty versions of my query letter over the last weeks and no version does everything I want it to do (yet).  For those non-writers out there, it's the pitch email I'm preparing to send to agents who will hopefully at least want to read a page or two.

Thanks to Absolute Write both the forums and the chat for keeping me sane and on track. And thanks to my husband and mom for being tied as my number one fans. While good solid crits are great from fellow writers, it's also nice to just get an "OMG AMAZING!" once in a while from those not in the trade. Couldn't do it without you all!

Here's the current draft of my hook: With a dead mom and a depressed dad, sixteen-year-old college student Natalie is only hanging on by a thread when a pixie shows up in her mother’s dollhouse begging for help finding and rallying her kind against bloodthirsty fairies.